Writing an Obituary: A Step-by-Step Guide
You've been asked to write an obituary.
Maybe you volunteered because you knew them best. Maybe the task fell to you because no one else could do it. Maybe you're staring at a blank page right now, wondering how to capture an entire life in a few paragraphs.
It feels impossible, doesn't it? How do you summarize someone who laughed a certain way, who made the best coffee, who called you every Sunday, who shaped who you are? How do you fit decades of love and memory into a few hundred words?
Here's what I want you to know: you don't have to be a writer. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to be honest.
An obituary isn't a literary masterpiece. It's a notice — a way of telling the world that someone lived, that they mattered, and that they will be missed. The best obituaries aren't the most eloquent; they're the ones that sound like the person they describe.
This guide will walk you through the process step by step, so you can write something meaningful without feeling overwhelmed.
What Is an Obituary?
An obituary is a written notice of someone's death, typically published in newspapers, online memorial sites, or shared with funeral attendees. It serves several purposes.
It announces the death, letting the community know that someone has passed and providing details about services. It honors their life by sharing who they were — their accomplishments, relationships, passions, and personality. It informs people when and where services will be held, and sometimes how to offer condolences or make donations. And it creates a record — something future generations can find when researching family history.
An obituary is different from a eulogy, which is a speech given at a funeral. Obituaries are typically shorter, more factual, and written for publication. If you're also preparing ceremony words or readings for a scattering or memorial, those are separate from the obituary — though the same love goes into both.
Before You Start Writing
Before you put pen to paper, gather the information you'll need. This makes the writing process much easier.
Basic information to collect: full legal name (including maiden name if applicable), date of birth and date of death, place of birth and place of death, names of parents (including mother's maiden name), names of spouse(s), names of children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, names of siblings, education history, military service, career history, religious or organizational affiliations, hobbies, interests, passions, accomplishments and awards, funeral or memorial service details, and charitable donation preferences.
People to consult: spouse or partner, children and grandchildren, siblings, close friends, colleagues or former employers, and church or community leaders.
Don't worry if you don't have every detail. Include what you know, and leave out what you don't.
The Basic Structure of an Obituary
Most obituaries follow a similar structure. You don't have to follow this exactly, but it provides a helpful framework:
1. The announcement — Who died, when, where, and at what age.
2. Early life — Where they were born, who their parents were, and highlights from childhood or education.
3. Career and accomplishments — What they did professionally, what they achieved, and what they were proud of.
4. Personal life — Marriage, children, grandchildren, and other important relationships.
5. Personality and passions — What they loved, what made them unique, how they'll be remembered.
6. Survivors — Who they are survived by, and sometimes who preceded them in death.
7. Service information — When and where the funeral, memorial, or celebration of life will be held.
8. Memorial contributions — Where donations can be made in their honor.
Let's walk through each section.
Step 1: Write the Announcement
The opening line announces the death. It typically includes the full name, age, date of death, and place of death.
For example: "Margaret Rose Thompson, 78, of Austin, Texas, passed away peacefully on February 8, 2026, surrounded by her loving family." Or: "John Michael Rivera, age 62, died unexpectedly on February 5, 2026, in Portland, Oregon." Or: "It is with heavy hearts that we announce the passing of Dorothy 'Dot' Williams, 91, who left us on February 10, 2026, at Sunrise Senior Living in Tampa, Florida."
"Passed away," "died," "left us," and "went to be with the Lord" are all acceptable — choose language that fits the family's beliefs and preferences. Including "peacefully" or "surrounded by family" can bring comfort, but only if it's true. Some families prefer not to include age or cause of death, and that's okay.
Step 2: Share Their Early Life
This section gives context about where they came from and how their life began. Include date and place of birth, parents' names, childhood highlights, and education.
For example: "Margaret was born on June 15, 1947, in Knoxville, Tennessee, to Robert and Helen (Carter) Thompson. She graduated from Knoxville Central High School in 1965 and earned her nursing degree from the University of Tennessee in 1969."
Including the mother's maiden name in parentheses helps with genealogical research. If they had a difficult childhood, you don't need to include details — keep it simple or skip to adulthood. Education is optional but often meaningful, especially for first-generation college graduates.
Step 3: Describe Their Career and Accomplishments
This section covers what they did with their life — professionally and otherwise. Focus on career path, professional achievements, military service, volunteer work, awards and honors, and significant accomplishments.
For example: "Margaret dedicated 35 years to nursing, working at St. Mary's Hospital where she was beloved by patients and colleagues alike." Or: "Though she never sought recognition, Dorothy volunteered at the local food bank every Saturday for over 20 years, serving thousands of meals to those in need."
Focus on what mattered to them, not just job titles. Military service is typically mentioned with branch, dates, rank, and any honors. Don't feel pressure to list every job — highlight the most meaningful or longest-held positions.
Step 4: Share Their Personal Life
This section covers marriage, family, and significant relationships. Include spouse's name and marriage date, how they met if it adds warmth, children's names, and information about family life.
For example: "Margaret married the love of her life, William 'Bill' Thompson, on August 12, 1970. Together they raised three children and built a home filled with laughter, love, and her famous apple pie."
If there were multiple marriages, you can mention all of them or focus on the most recent. Keep family details positive — an obituary isn't the place to air grievances.
Step 5: Capture Their Personality and Passions
This is where the obituary comes alive. What made them them?
Include hobbies and interests, personality traits, quirks and habits, what they loved, and how they made people feel.
For example: "Margaret never met a stranger. Her warm smile and genuine interest in others made everyone feel like family. She loved gardening, crossword puzzles, and cheering for the Tennessee Volunteers — especially during football season." Or: "Dorothy's kitchen was always open. She believed every problem could be solved with a cup of coffee and a piece of homemade cake. Her advice was practical, her hugs were warm, and her love was unconditional."
Specific details are more powerful than general statements. "She loved gardening" is good; "She grew prize-winning tomatoes and shared them with every neighbor on the block" is better. Include a signature phrase, habit, or quirk that people will recognize. This section is where humor can be appropriate if it fits their personality.
Step 6: List the Survivors
This section names the people who will carry their memory forward. The typical order is: spouse or partner, children and their spouses, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, siblings, parents if still living, and other significant family or friends. Also include "Preceded in death by..." for close family members who died before them.
For example: "Margaret is survived by her husband of 55 years, Bill Thompson; her children, Sarah Thompson (Michael) of Dallas, James Thompson of Austin, and Rebecca Martinez (Carlos) of Houston; seven grandchildren; and two great-grandchildren. She was preceded in death by her parents and her brother, Robert Thompson Jr."
Spouses of children can be included in parentheses. Grandchildren can be listed by name or simply counted. If someone was estranged, they can be omitted — the family decides who to include.
When a family has multiple members who each want to honor someone in their own way, some choose to share ashes among loved ones — with each person holding a personal ceremony in a place that mattered to them.
Step 7: Include Service Information
Tell people when, where, and how to pay their respects. Include the type of service (funeral, memorial, celebration of life, graveside service), date and time, location with full address, whether the service is public or private, reception or gathering information, and any virtual attendance options.
For example: "A celebration of life will be held on Saturday, February 15, 2026, at 2:00 PM at First Baptist Church, 123 Main Street, Austin, Texas. A reception will follow in the church fellowship hall. The family invites all who knew Margaret to attend and share their memories."
If the family is planning a water ceremony, a beach scattering, or a lake or river farewell, this section can mention the ceremony location and invite those closest to attend. Some families hold a formal service first, and then a smaller, intimate scattering ceremony later — both can be listed.
If the ceremony will take place on a cruise, many cruise lines allow ash-scattering ceremonies at sea with cruise-approved biodegradable urns.
Step 8: Add Memorial Contributions
Many families request donations to a meaningful cause instead of, or in addition to, flowers.
For example: "In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations be made to the American Cancer Society." Or: "Those wishing to honor John's memory are encouraged to donate to the local Little League or spend an afternoon fishing with someone they love."
Choose causes that mattered to the deceased. Include the organization's full name and website if possible.
Some families also choose to honor their loved one through a memorial ceremony in nature — scattering ashes in a meaningful place, planting a garden memorial, or using a burial urn with wildflower seeds so that something living grows from the farewell.
Tips for Writing Well
Keep it authentic. Write in a voice that sounds like the family, not like a formal document. If they were casual and funny, the obituary can reflect that.
Be specific. Details bring a person to life. Instead of "She loved her family," try "She never missed a grandchild's soccer game, even in the rain."
Read it aloud. This helps you catch awkward phrasing and ensures it flows naturally.
Get input. Share a draft with close family members. They may remember details you forgot or catch errors.
Check facts. Verify dates, spellings of names, and service details before publishing.
Consider length. Newspaper obituaries are often priced by word count or line. Online obituaries can be longer. Write what feels right, then edit if needed for publication.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Forgetting someone in the survivors list — double-check that all family members are included, as accidentally omitting someone can cause lasting hurt. Including too much negativity — an obituary isn't the place to settle scores. Being too vague — generic statements like "He was a great man" don't tell us anything; be specific about why he was great. Rushing — take your time, as most newspapers have flexible deadlines. And not proofreading — typos in an obituary are permanent, so read it multiple times and have someone else review it too.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long should an obituary be? There's no set length. Newspaper obituaries are often 200–400 words due to cost. Online obituaries can be longer — 500–1,000 words or more. Write what feels right for the person and situation.
Do I have to include cause of death? No. Many families choose not to include this information, especially for deaths involving illness, suicide, or overdose. It's entirely the family's decision.
Can I include humor? Yes, if it fits the person's personality. A well-placed joke or funny story can make an obituary memorable and true to who they were.
Who writes the obituary? Usually a close family member — spouse, child, or sibling. Sometimes a funeral home helps with writing or editing. There's no rule about who must do it.
How much does it cost to publish an obituary? Newspaper costs vary widely — from $50 to $500 or more depending on length and publication. Online obituary sites may offer free basic listings with paid upgrades. Many funeral homes include online obituary posting in their services.
Can I write an obituary in advance? Yes. Some people write their own obituary before death, or families prepare one during a long illness. This can reduce stress and ensure accuracy.
How do I plan the ceremony after the obituary is written? Many families find that writing the obituary helps clarify what matters most for the farewell. If you're planning a scattering ceremony, our step-by-step ceremony guide walks you through the process. You may also want to read about what to say during a scattering ceremony or consider writing a farewell letter to accompany the ashes.
A Final Thought
Writing an obituary is an act of love.
It's hard, yes. It asks you to distill a whole life into words while your heart is breaking. But it's also a gift — a chance to tell the world who this person was and why they mattered.
Don't worry about getting it perfect. Worry about getting it true.
Write about the real person — their laugh, their quirks, their impact. Write something that would make them smile, or roll their eyes, or say "that's exactly right."
And when you're done, know that you've created something lasting. A record of a life. A tribute to someone who was loved. A few paragraphs that will carry their memory forward.
That's no small thing.
Virginia