What to Do with Ashes After Cremation: All Your Options Explained

 

The ashes have been returned to you.

Maybe they're sitting on your kitchen counter right now, in the temporary container from the crematorium. Maybe they've been there for days, or weeks, or months. Maybe you've been avoiding looking at them because you don't know what comes next.

Or maybe you're reading this before the cremation happens, trying to plan ahead so you're not overwhelmed later.

Either way, you're asking a question that millions of people ask: what do I do with these ashes?

There's no single right answer. What you do with your loved one's remains is deeply personal—shaped by their wishes, your beliefs, your family's needs, and what feels meaningful to you. This guide will walk you through all the options, so you can make a choice that honors both the person you lost and the life you're still living.

First: There's No Rush

Before we explore your options, I want you to know something important: you don't have to decide right now.

Unlike burial, cremation gives you time. The ashes aren't going anywhere. They won't change or deteriorate. You can keep them for days, months, or years while you figure out what feels right.

Some families know immediately what they want to do. Others need time to grieve before they can even think about it. Both approaches are valid.

If you're feeling pressure—from family members, from funeral homes, from your own sense that you "should" have decided by now—give yourself permission to wait. The right decision made slowly is better than a rushed decision you might regret.

Understanding What You've Received

When ashes are returned to you, they typically come in a temporary container—usually a plastic box or bag inside a cardboard or basic container. This is not meant to be a permanent solution, just a way to transport the remains safely.

What cremated remains actually are:

Cremated remains aren't exactly "ashes" in the way we imagine fireplace ashes. They're actually processed bone fragments—calcium and calcium phosphate—that have been reduced to a fine, sand-like consistency. The color is typically light gray to white, sometimes with a slightly gritite texture.

How much will there be?

The volume of ashes depends on the person's body size. For an average adult, expect about 3-7 pounds of cremated remains, which fills a container of roughly 150-200 cubic inches. This is more than many people expect.

Can ashes be divided?

Yes. Many families choose to divide ashes among multiple family members or for multiple purposes—some scattered, some kept, some buried. There's no rule that says all the ashes must stay together.

Option 1: Keep the Ashes at Home

Many families choose to keep their loved one's ashes at home, either permanently or while they decide what to do next.

Reasons to keep ashes at home:

• You want them close to you
• You're not ready to let go
• The deceased wanted to remain with family
• You're still deciding on a final resting place
• Multiple family members want access to visit

How to display ashes at home:

The temporary container from the crematorium isn't meant for display. Most families transfer the ashes to a decorative urn that reflects the personality of the deceased or fits the home's aesthetic.

Urns come in countless styles: ceramic, wood, metal, glass, biodegradable materials, and more. Some are traditional and elegant; others are artistic or unique. Some don't look like urns at all—they might resemble sculptures, vases, or decorative objects.

Where to place an urn:

• A dedicated memorial shelf or table
• A mantelpiece
• A bedroom dresser
• A special cabinet or niche
• Integrated into a home altar with photos and mementos

Things to consider:

• Will the location feel comforting or uncomfortable for daily life?
• Is it accessible to family members who want to visit?
• Is it safe from being knocked over or disturbed?
• How will you feel about it over time—in one year, five years, twenty years?

Option 2: Scatter the Ashes

Scattering ashes in a meaningful location is one of the most popular choices, and it's particularly meaningful for people who loved nature, had a special place, or expressed a desire to "return to the earth."

Where you can scatter ashes:

In the ocean or sea: The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) allows scattering at sea, but requires it to be done at least 3 nautical miles from shore. Many families use boats, charter services, or cruise ships. Biodegradable urns designed for water burial float briefly before dissolving, creating a beautiful ceremony.

In lakes, rivers, or bays: Inland waters are regulated by state and local laws, not the EPA. Rules vary widely—some locations allow scattering freely, others require permits, and some prohibit it entirely (especially in drinking water sources). Always check local regulations.

On private land: If you own the property or have permission from the owner, you can scatter ashes on private land. This might be a family farm, a backyard garden, or a friend's property with a meaningful view.

On public land: National parks, state parks, and other public lands often allow scattering with a permit or in designated areas. Contact the specific park's administration to ask about their policies.

In a favorite place: A hiking trail they loved. A beach they visited every summer. A mountain they always wanted to see. The location matters because it mattered to them.

How scattering works:

You can scatter ashes directly from the container, from a biodegradable bag, or by using a scattering urn designed for the purpose. Many families hold a small ceremony—sharing memories, reading poems, playing music, and saying goodbye as the ashes are released.

For water ceremonies, biodegradable urns provide a particularly meaningful experience. At Pachamama, our urns are designed to float gently on the water for a brief moment before slowly sinking and dissolving, allowing time for reflection and farewell.

Things to consider:

• Did they express a wish about where to be scattered?
• Is the location accessible to family members who want to be present?
• Are there legal restrictions?
• How will weather affect the ceremony?
• Do you want to keep a small portion of ashes before scattering the rest?

Option 3: Bury the Ashes

Cremated remains can be buried just like a body—but in a much smaller space and often at lower cost.

Cemetery burial:

Many cemeteries have sections specifically for cremated remains, called columbariums (for above-ground niches) or urn gardens (for in-ground burial). You can also bury an urn in a traditional cemetery plot, often allowing multiple urns in a single plot.

Benefits of cemetery burial:

• A permanent, dedicated location
• A headstone or marker for future generations
• A place for family to visit
• Maintained grounds and perpetual care
• Can be near other family members

Home burial:

In most areas, you can bury ashes on private property you own. This allows the remains to stay close to home while still having a dedicated resting place—perhaps in a garden, under a tree, or in a special corner of the yard.

Green burial / natural burial:

For those who want an eco-friendly option, ashes can be buried in a biodegradable urn that breaks down naturally. Some natural burial grounds specialize in eco-friendly interment of both bodies and cremated remains.

Things to consider:

• Do you want a permanent marker or headstone?
• Will you (or your family) have long-term access to the location?
• What are the costs involved (plot, marker, opening/closing fees)?
• Do you want ashes buried with or near other family members?

Option 4: Divide the Ashes Among Family

When multiple family members feel a strong connection to the deceased—or when family is spread across different locations—dividing the ashes can be a meaningful solution.

How to divide ashes:

You can divide ashes equally among family members, or create different portions for different purposes. For example:

• Each sibling receives a small keepsake portion
• One portion is scattered at a meaningful location
• One portion is buried in a family cemetery
• One portion stays with the surviving spouse

Keepsake urns:

Small keepsake urns are designed to hold a portion of ashes—typically just a tablespoon or two. These allow multiple family members to have their own memorial without needing to keep the full volume of remains.

At Pachamama, our small urns are perfect for this purpose, allowing some ashes to be kept while others are scattered in a water ceremony.

Things to consider:

• Are all family members comfortable with dividing the ashes?
• How will you physically divide them? (A funeral home can help with this)
• Does everyone have a plan for their portion?
• Did the deceased express feelings about keeping ashes together vs. dividing?

Option 5: Create Memorial Objects

Ashes can be incorporated into a wide variety of memorial objects, allowing you to keep your loved one close in a unique and personal way.

Popular memorial objects:

Jewelry: A small amount of ashes can be placed inside a pendant, ring, or bracelet. Some jewelry incorporates ashes into blown glass, resin, or even diamonds (created from the carbon in cremated remains).

Art: Some artists specialize in incorporating ashes into paintings, sculptures, glass art, or pottery. This creates a one-of-a-kind memorial that can be displayed in your home.

Tattoo ink: A small amount of ashes can be mixed with tattoo ink, creating a permanent memorial on your body.

Vinyl records: Companies can press ashes into a playable vinyl record, featuring your loved one's favorite music or recorded messages.

Reef balls: Ashes can be mixed into concrete reef balls placed in the ocean, creating an artificial reef that supports marine life—a living memorial.

Plants and trees: Biodegradable urns with built-in seed containers allow ashes to nourish a tree or plant. Some companies offer memorial forests where trees are planted with ashes.

Things to consider:

• Is this something the deceased would have appreciated?
• How much ash is required for the chosen option?
• What is the cost and timeline?
• Will you want additional memorial options beyond this one?

Option 6: Place in a Columbarium or Mausoleum

A columbarium is a structure with niches designed to hold urns. It can be indoors (in a church, funeral home, or mausoleum) or outdoors (in a cemetery garden). This option provides a permanent, maintained location without ground burial.

Benefits:

• Protected from weather
• Maintained by the facility
• Can be visited by family
• Often less expensive than a burial plot
• May allow personalization (photos, engravings, flowers)

Things to consider:

• Is there a columbarium near you or near other family?
• What are the costs (niche, inscription, perpetual care)?
• Can multiple urns share a niche?
• What are the facility's rules about visiting and decoration?

Option 7: Donate to Science or Nature

Some people choose to use their cremated remains in ways that contribute to science, education, or the environment.

Options include:

Artificial reef programs: As mentioned above, ashes can become part of reef restoration projects.

Memorial forests: Some organizations plant trees with ashes in dedicated forests, contributing to conservation efforts.

Space: Several companies will launch a portion of ashes into space—either into orbit, to the moon, or into deep space.

Things to consider:

• Does this align with the deceased's values?
• What portion of ashes is used?
• What is the cost and process?

What If You Don't Know What They Wanted?

Many people don't leave clear instructions about what should happen to their remains. If you're making this decision without knowing their wishes, here are some ways to find guidance:

Think about how they lived:

• Did they love the ocean, mountains, or a particular place?
• Were they traditional or unconventional?
• Did they value simplicity or ceremony?
• Were they religious or spiritual?
• Did they care about the environment?

Consider family dynamics:

• What would bring comfort to the people grieving?
• Are there family members in different locations who need access?
• Is there a family cemetery or tradition to consider?

Trust your instincts:

You knew this person. You loved them. The decision you make from that place of love will be the right one, even if it doesn't feel certain.

What If Family Members Disagree?

Disagreements about ashes can cause significant family conflict. Here's how to navigate it:

Start with their wishes. If the deceased expressed any preferences—even casually—that should guide the decision.

Listen to understand. Each person's opinion comes from somewhere—grief, tradition, love. Try to understand why someone feels the way they do.

Consider compromise. Dividing ashes often resolves conflict. One person can scatter a portion; another can keep a keepsake; a third can bury some in a family plot.

Focus on shared values. What does everyone agree on? Start there and build outward.

Get outside help. If conflict is severe, a grief counselor or mediator can help facilitate the conversation.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long can I keep ashes before deciding what to do?

Indefinitely. Cremated remains don't expire or change over time. Take as long as you need.

Can I do more than one thing with the ashes?

Yes. Many families divide ashes—scattering some, keeping some, and burying some. There's no rule that says all ashes must stay together.

Do I need permission to scatter ashes?

It depends on the location. Ocean scattering requires following EPA guidelines. Inland waters vary by state. Public lands often require permits. Private land requires owner permission.

What if I regret my decision later?

This is a common fear. Remember that there's no perfect choice, only meaningful ones. If you keep a small portion, you'll have options later. And the love you carry doesn't depend on where the ashes are.

Can I travel with ashes?

Yes. TSA allows cremated remains in carry-on and checked luggage. Use a container that can be X-rayed. Bring documentation (death certificate, cremation certificate) for international travel.

Are biodegradable urns only for water?

No. Some biodegradable urns are designed for water burial, others for earth burial. Both dissolve naturally, leaving no trace.

Whatever You Choose

At Pachamama, we help families who have chosen to return their loved one to water—oceans, lakes, rivers, and bays. Our biodegradable urns are handcrafted to float gently, then dissolve peacefully, leaving nothing behind but memory.

But we also know that water isn't right for everyone. Whatever you choose—keeping ashes close, scattering in a beloved place, burying in sacred ground, or dividing among family—what matters most is that the decision comes from love.

Your loved one's ashes are not just remains. They're a physical connection to someone who shaped your life. What you do with them is an act of love, a final gift, a way of saying: you mattered, and I will carry you forward.

Take your time. Trust yourself. And know that whatever you choose, it will be enough.

With warmth,

Virginia