How to Plan a Celebration of Life: A Guide to Honoring Someone Your Way

When someone we love dies, we're often handed a script we didn't write.

A funeral home. A casket. A somber service in a room full of people in black. Formal words from someone who may not have known the deceased. A procession. A burial. A reception with sandwiches and small talk.

For some families, this traditional approach brings comfort and closure. But for others, it feels wrong—too formal, too impersonal, too focused on death rather than life.

If you're looking for a different way to honor someone you love, a celebration of life might be exactly what you need.

A celebration of life isn't about ignoring grief or pretending death didn't happen. It's about creating a gathering that reflects who they actually were—their personality, their passions, their impact on the people around them. It's about laughing at their jokes, sharing their stories, and remembering the life they lived rather than just mourning the life that ended.

If this resonates with you, this guide will help you plan a celebration that feels authentic, meaningful, and true to the person you're honoring.

What Is a Celebration of Life?

A celebration of life is a memorial gathering that focuses on honoring the person's life rather than following traditional funeral customs. It's typically less formal, more personalized, and centered on memories, stories, and connection.

Key differences from a traditional funeral:

A celebration of life isn't anti-funeral or anti-tradition. It's simply another option—one that gives families more flexibility to create something that feels right for their specific situation and the specific person they're honoring.

Why Families Choose a Celebration of Life

More and more families are choosing celebrations of life over traditional funerals. Here's why:

It reflects who they were. A person who spent their life being informal, creative, or unconventional might not feel honored by a formal, traditional service. A celebration of life lets the gathering match the person.

It allows time to plan. Traditional funerals typically happen within days of death, leaving little time to think or prepare. Because celebrations of life often happen after cremation, families can take weeks or months to plan something meaningful.

It can happen anywhere. A backyard, a beach, a favorite restaurant, a park, a boat—the location can be somewhere that mattered to them, not just a funeral home.

It invites participation. Instead of sitting silently while someone speaks, guests can share stories, participate in activities, or contribute to the ceremony in ways that feel personal.

It makes room for joy. Grief and celebration can coexist. Laughing at someone's favorite joke or dancing to their favorite song doesn't mean you're not sad—it means you're honoring the fullness of who they were.

It can include children. The less formal structure makes it easier to include kids in ways that help them understand and participate in remembering.

It costs less. Without the requirements of embalming, caskets, and formal funeral services, celebrations of life are often significantly more affordable.

When to Hold a Celebration of Life

One of the biggest advantages of a celebration of life is timing flexibility. You don't have to hold it immediately after death.

Options include:

Within the first week or two: Some families want to gather soon while support systems are in place and people are available.

A few weeks later: This gives time to plan something meaningful without the pressure of immediate arrangements.

A month or more later: Waiting allows out-of-town family to make travel arrangements and gives the immediate family time to process.

On a meaningful date: Some families choose to hold the celebration on the person's birthday, anniversary, or a date that held special meaning.

At a meaningful time of year: If they loved autumn leaves, summer beaches, or spring flowers, timing the celebration to match can add significance.

When the family is ready: There's no deadline. Some families wait six months or a year. The gathering can happen whenever it feels right.

Choosing a Location

The location sets the tone for the entire gathering. Choose somewhere that reflects who they were or that holds meaning for the family.

Popular celebration of life locations:

At home: A backyard gathering feels intimate and personal. It's also comfortable for close family.

A favorite restaurant or venue: If they had a place they loved—a café, a winery, a lodge—holding the celebration there honors that connection.

Outdoors in nature: Parks, beaches, gardens, trails, or anywhere they felt at peace. If you're planning to scatter ashes, the ceremony can happen at the same location.

A community space: Libraries, community centers, or event halls work well for larger gatherings.

A meaningful destination: Some families travel to a place that mattered—a childhood hometown, a vacation spot, a city they always talked about.

On the water: Boats, docks, or shorelines work beautifully for water lovers—especially if you're incorporating an ash scattering ceremony.

Things to consider when choosing a location:

• How many people do you expect?
• Is it accessible for elderly or disabled guests?
• Are there weather concerns (indoor backup for outdoor events)?
• Does the space allow food, music, or other elements you want to include?
• What's the cost, if any?

Planning the Flow of the Gathering

A celebration of life doesn't need a rigid structure, but having a loose flow helps the event feel cohesive rather than chaotic.

A simple structure might include:

1. Welcome and gathering (15-30 minutes) Guests arrive, greet each other, look at photos or memorabilia. Soft background music can set the tone.

2. Opening words (5-10 minutes) Someone welcomes guests, acknowledges why you're gathered, and sets the tone for the celebration.

3. Sharing stories and memories (30-60 minutes) This is the heart of the celebration. It can be structured (specific people invited to speak) or open (anyone can share). Consider having a microphone for larger groups.

4. Special elements (varies) This might include:

• A slideshow or video
• Music or live performances
• A reading or poem
• A ritual like candle lighting, releasing of butterflies, or scattering of ashes
• A toast

5. Closing words (5-10 minutes) Thank guests for coming, share any final thoughts, and explain what happens next (food, mingling, or departure).

6. Reception or continued gathering Food, drinks, and informal conversation. This is often where the most meaningful connections happen.

You don't have to include all of these elements. The structure should serve the gathering, not constrain it.

Ideas for Personalizing the Celebration

The best celebrations of life feel specific to the person being honored. Here are ways to make it personal:

Décor and atmosphere:

• Display photos from throughout their life
• Use their favorite flowers or colors
• Set up memorabilia: awards, artwork, collections, favorite books
• Create a memory table where guests can leave notes or objects
• Use tablecloths, napkins, or decorations in their favorite color

Music:

• Create a playlist of their favorite songs
• Hire a musician to play songs that mattered to them
• Invite guests to share songs that remind them of the person
• End with "their song"—the one everyone associates with them

Food and drinks:

• Serve their favorite foods
• Include dishes from their heritage or culture
• Offer their signature cocktail or favorite beer/wine
• If they loved to cook, share their recipes with guests
• Have a potluck where everyone brings a dish connected to a memory

Activities:

• Set up a station for guests to write memories in a book
• Create a video booth where people can record messages
• Plant a tree or flowers in their honor
• Release biodegradable lanterns, butterflies, or flower petals
• Play their favorite game or sport
• Do something they loved—karaoke, dancing, stargazing

Dress code:

• Ask guests to wear their favorite color
• Request bright colors instead of black
• Suggest wearing something the person would have loved
• Invite guests to wear themed attire (Hawaiian shirts, sports jerseys, costumes)

Charitable elements:

• Suggest donations to a cause they cared about in lieu of flowers
• Organize a group volunteer activity in their memory
• Create a scholarship or fund in their name

Including an Ash Scattering Ceremony

Many families who choose cremation incorporate ash scattering into the celebration of life. This can be a powerful ritual that gives guests a shared moment of release and closure.

Ways to include ash scattering:

At the gathering location: If the celebration is at a beach, lake, garden, or other meaningful outdoor location, the scattering can be the centerpiece of the ceremony.

As a separate moment: Some families scatter ashes privately before or after the celebration, keeping the two events distinct.

Using a biodegradable urn: For water ceremonies, a biodegradable urn creates a beautiful visual—floating briefly on the water before gently dissolving. At Pachamama, our urns are designed for exactly this purpose.

Inviting participation: Some families let guests scatter flower petals alongside the ashes, creating a shared ritual.

With words or music: Scattering can be accompanied by a reading, a prayer, a song, or simply silence.

If you're planning an ash scattering as part of your celebration, check local regulations. Ocean scattering requires being 3+ nautical miles from shore. Lakes and rivers have varying rules by state. Private land requires permission from the owner.

Who Should Speak?

The speakers at a celebration of life can make or break the event. Choose people who knew the deceased well and can speak from the heart.

Options include:

• Close family members (spouse, children, siblings, parents)
• Lifelong friends
• Colleagues or mentors who knew a different side of them
• Members of groups they belonged to (church, clubs, teams)
• Anyone with a meaningful story to share

Tips for speakers:

• Keep remarks to 3-5 minutes to allow multiple people to speak
• Encourage specific stories rather than generic praise
• It's okay to be funny—laughter belongs at a celebration
• Offer to help nervous speakers prepare in advance
• Have tissues available (for speakers and audience)

Open mic option:

Some families open the floor for anyone to share. This can be beautiful but also unpredictable. Consider having a few planned speakers first, then opening it up, with someone ready to gently close if it goes too long.

What About Children?

Children can and should be included in celebrations of life when appropriate. The informal setting often makes it easier for kids to participate than a traditional funeral.

Ways to include children:

• Let them help create a photo display
• Invite them to draw pictures or write notes
• Give them a role: lighting a candle, releasing petals, handing out programs
• Create a "kids' corner" with activities related to the person's interests
• Let them share a memory if they want to (without pressure)

Tips for having children present:

• Explain beforehand what will happen
• Let them know it's okay to feel sad, happy, or confused
• Have a trusted adult available if they need to step away
• Don't force participation—let them engage at their comfort level

Sample Celebration of Life Agenda

Here's an example timeline for a 2-hour celebration:

2:00 PM - Guests Arrive Background music playing. Photos and memorabilia on display. Light refreshments available.

2:30 PM - Welcome Host welcomes everyone and shares opening thoughts about why we're gathered.

2:40 PM - Slideshow A 10-minute slideshow of photos set to meaningful music.

2:50 PM - Speakers Four friends and family members share stories (5 minutes each).

3:15 PM - Open Sharing Guests invited to share brief memories (15 minutes).

3:30 PM - Ritual Group walks to the water for ash scattering ceremony using a biodegradable urn. A poem is read. Guests scatter flower petals.

3:45 PM - Toast Return to gathering area. Someone offers a toast in their honor.

3:50 PM - Closing Host thanks everyone for coming and invites continued mingling.

3:55 PM - 5:00 PM - Reception Food, drinks, and informal conversation.

What If Family Members Want Different Things?

It's common for families to disagree about how to honor someone. One person wants a traditional funeral; another wants a celebration. One wants religious elements; another doesn't.

Ways to navigate disagreement:

Start with the deceased's wishes. If they expressed preferences, those should guide the decision—even if some family members disagree.

Find common ground. What does everyone agree on? Build from there.

Consider multiple events. Perhaps a small, traditional service for those who need it, and a larger celebration for a wider circle.

Compromise on elements. Include a prayer for those who want religious content, alongside secular elements for those who don't.

Remember the purpose. The goal is to honor the person and support the living. Keep that at the center of decisions.

Planning Checklist

Use this checklist to keep your planning on track:

Timing and Logistics:

• Choose a date
• Select and book a location
• Determine capacity and guest list
• Plan for weather (backup if outdoor)
• Arrange parking or transportation

Program:

• Decide on the flow/structure
• Invite speakers and confirm participation
• Choose readings, poems, or prayers
• Create or gather music playlist
• Plan any rituals (ash scattering, candle lighting, etc.)

Personal Elements:

• Gather photos for display or slideshow
• Collect memorabilia and meaningful objects
• Order flowers or decorations
• Create programs or memory cards
• Set up memory book or guest book

Food and Refreshments:

• Decide on catering or potluck
• Order or prepare food
• Arrange drinks (including alcohol if desired)
• Plan for dietary restrictions

Communication:

• Create and send invitations
• Set up a way to collect RSVPs
• Share details (parking, dress code, what to bring)
• Coordinate with speakers about timing

Frequently Asked Questions

Is a celebration of life the same as a memorial service?

The terms are often used interchangeably. Both typically happen after cremation or burial, without the body present. "Celebration of life" often implies a less formal, more personalized approach.

Do you need a funeral director to plan a celebration of life?

No. Families can plan and host celebrations entirely on their own. However, a funeral director or event planner can help with logistics if desired.

What do guests wear to a celebration of life?

It depends on the tone. Many celebrations specify "casual," "colorful," or even themed attire. If no dress code is given, smart casual is usually appropriate.

How long should a celebration of life last?

Most last 1-3 hours, including time for mingling. The formal program portion is typically 30-60 minutes.

Can you have both a funeral and a celebration of life?

Yes. Some families hold a small, private funeral or burial, followed by a larger celebration of life for the wider community.

How much does a celebration of life cost?

Costs vary widely depending on location, food, and other elements. A backyard gathering with potluck food can cost almost nothing. A rented venue with catering might cost several thousand dollars. It's typically less expensive than a traditional funeral.

The Celebration They Deserve

At Pachamama, we believe that how we say goodbye matters. The rituals we create, the words we speak, the moments we share—these become part of how we carry our loved ones forward.

A celebration of life is an opportunity to do things differently. To laugh and cry in the same hour. To tell the stories that matter. To gather in a place that meant something. To release ashes into water while the sun sets. To say goodbye in a way that feels true.

There's no perfect celebration. There's only the one that feels right for the person you're honoring and the people who loved them. Trust yourself to create something meaningful. Trust that love will guide you.

And when you need support—whether it's a biodegradable urn for a water ceremony or simply permission to do things your own way—we're here.

With warmth,

Virginia