A Book That Helped Me Understand Grief: The Other Side of Sadness by George A. Bonanno

Through my work at Pachamama Tributes, where I support families as they say goodbye to their loved ones, I’ve come to realize that grief is a deeply personal journey. There’s no one right way to go through it, and each person experiences it differently. Along the way, I’ve found that certain books can provide comfort and guidance when navigating the difficult emotions that come with loss. One book I recently read that I believe can help those going through grief is “The Other Side of Sadness” by George A. Bonanno.

What I appreciated about this book is that it challenges the traditional idea that grief follows a set series of stages. You’ve probably heard of the classic stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—but Bonanno offers a different perspective. He argues that grief isn’t as linear as we’ve been taught, and not everyone goes through these stages in the same way, or even in the same order. For me, this was a relief.

What Impacted Me Most About the Book

What struck me right away was how Bonanno dismantles the idea that grief needs to follow a predictable path. In my experience with families, I’ve seen how the concept of “stages” can sometimes make people feel frustrated or lost if their grief doesn’t follow that expected pattern. But what Bonanno shows is that everyone grieves differently, and that’s okay. Some people may find moments of joy or relief much sooner than they anticipated, and that doesn’t mean they’re forgetting their loved one or that their grief is over. It means we are wired to be resilient, to find balance between the sadness of loss and the need to keep moving forward.

The Power of Resilience

One of the most important concepts in the book is resilience. Bonanno explains that, while the pain of loss is real and deep, many people are able to adapt to their loss more quickly than they might expect. This doesn’t mean that sadness disappears entirely, but that we can find moments of peace and even joy amidst the grief.

I’ve witnessed this resilience time and again with the families I’ve worked with at Pachamama Tributes. After saying goodbye to a loved one, while the grief remains, there are also moments of light. Perhaps it’s a shared laugh over a funny memory or a deep breath of relief, realizing that it’s possible to keep moving forward without betraying the memory of the person who is no longer here. “The Other Side of Sadness” shows us that resilience is not a sign of weakness or that we’re “getting over” the loss too quickly—it’s a natural part of the human process.

It’s Normal to Feel Joy and Sadness at the Same Time

One of the things I appreciate most about this book is how it normalizes the fact that we can feel both joy and sadness at the same time. Sometimes, in the midst of grief, we feel like if we experience a moment of happiness, we’re failing in our sadness or, worse, forgetting the person we’ve lost. But Bonanno explains that these contradictory feelings are normal and natural. Grief is not only about pain; it can also include moments of relief, laughter, and those moments don’t minimize the loss—they’re part of learning to live with it.

This message is important because so many people believe they should feel sad all the time during grief, and when a moment of joy arises, they feel guilty. But what Bonanno teaches is that those moments of happiness are a sign that we’re finding ways to move forward while still honoring the memory of our loved ones.

Why I Recommend This Book

I’m sharing “The Other Side of Sadness” because I believe it’s a book that helps you understand grief in a different, more compassionate way. Bonanno doesn’t tell you how you’re supposed to feel; instead, he shows that there is no right or wrong way to go through grief. Each journey is personal, and it’s okay if yours doesn’t look like someone else’s.

If you’re going through grief, or if you know someone who is, this book can offer a fresh perspective—one that’s more flexible and realistic about what it means to lose someone. It’s not about “getting over” the loss or following pre-set stages; it’s about learning to live with both the pain and the joy, and finding your own way to heal.

I hope this book can be as helpful to you as it has been to me. Sometimes, finding words that resonate with what we’re going through can make the grieving process feel a little less lonely.